As Far As I Can Go

At my current stage is probably the most confusing, frustrating and scariest point of my life. I need to decide on what I must do in the future. It feels different from when your parents asked you when you were younger, what you wanted to be. At this point of my life I have to make a very serious decision. I know there will be a time when my parents will no longer be able to shield or protect me. I don’t like the thought of stepping into the unknown, even if I were to prepare for it, I don’t know what I want to do. What if my plan doesn’t follow, what if something in my plan changes, what if I my plan was wrong from the beginning? What if I couldn’t turn back and start over. Would I have to live up to my families’ expectations, would they be disappointed if I don’t live how they wanted me to?

I want to try though. I want to try and face the problems and overcome any difficulties. I still don’t know what I want to do in life but I think it’ll be somewhere along the lines of Arts and Design, I also want to open a business (though it may be difficult). My mother thinks I should pursue in Psychology as it is more respectable (in another words more stable and more income) and I secretly agree with her. My grades won’t make the mark though. Art and Design is big area, I need to think carefully what I actually want to do. I don’t know what will come in the future. I don’t know what to do when it does come. I do want to know though, what will I do when it comes. How far I can go in this maze, until I can find the exit. And until I find what I really want to be.

What to do

I can probably think of a lot of reasons why I haven’t been posting in this blog or being doing much at all recently. 

I am fully aware that I have many many things to be getting on with and the internet can probably entertain me for hours. But anything I do.. doesn’t seems to satisfy me anymore. Recently I’ve noticed, I have been taking little interests in things. Maybe this is what others may refer to as “bored with living”. It’s not like I’ve seen the world and I’m bored now or feeling even slightly suicidal. Everything just seems to be, well.. boring. There is nothing I want to do, nothing I want to watch, nothing I can think of even doing. In fact, I think I’ll be happy to sleep all day if I could. Nothing seems to appeal to me. I haven’t even been going out, I’m saving myself a small fortune in my little bottle. Under normal circumstances this would normally be something quite nice, now it’s just making me feel depressed. I have a strange feeling it might be the whether affecting me. It’s been really cold and it even snowed on monday. Cold equals bed. Or maybe I’m tired. I haven’t done much of my homework, especially my art and it’s wearing me down, mentally.  

 

On a good note though, the Poppuri event in TO is back! The last one we had was pretty recent so it was sort of surprising that another was held so soon. (Though the last newsletter did hint the event was coming back). The prizes were not as great as the ones previously given out and it’s unlikely we would reach Stage 7 of the event. Which is something new as GMs normally have to create more stages because we drilled so much. Not going to reach the last stage is probably due to the fact that the boxes are now harder to find, the amount of boxes needed in order to get to the next stage has risen and more importantly, the driller boy and driller girl had been removed a month before the event started. I was looking forwards to the Queen Odinea boxes and the GMs recharging all our myshops for 7 days. 

The EXP event does seem very good but last time it was held, it wore me out physically and mentally. I was begging for my bracer to end. Still achieved a fair amount of levels though, I shot through the rankings. (Currently being pushed down I think) I also wonder what the Princess boxes would contain. I hope it’s going to be blue or some sort.. my kitty’s current colour scheme D:

Can’t think of what to write now, please tune next time to.. err.. forget it..

Merry Christmas

Another year, another day.

Some days we passed happily

Other days were grey

Whether we found joy

Or were bound by grieve

Another year is another day

Start anew or repair old ways

Do what you can, do what you may.

Live to the fullest for the next day.

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you’ve all had a good year. Mine has been.. amusing. I’ve met new people, lost old friends. Done my coursework and err.. failed the course. There’s been good and bad I guess. 

I’m proud of the skills I have acquired throughout the year, regret not being as good to my parents as I should have been.. 

 

 

Wow..

All the links to Younha’s musics seem to be dead.. means I have to upload it all again..

Took me ages last time, and it wasn’t fun. ARGH, why???

It’ll be a week until I have time to do those all again and possibly other artists too. Be patient if you can. If not, yell very loudly and I might answer your prayers.

Back to writing the last part of my psychology coursework~

Major construction, gonna take a while

I know I haven’t really posted much and there really isn’t much here.. AND I’m not really planning anything big either lol but I really need to move and change stuff around on this site. The download section is very extremely messy. I plan to add more sections and more media here, mainly for my benefit but it can be yours too 8D

With Xmas and New Years coming I’m pretty busy here.. Plus my mother found me another job.. So.. Now I have two jobs, college and my gaming needs to deal with. Oh don’t forget the parties. Rawr. 

I think by Jan I might have be able to get things on track again. If not.. err I duno. Bribe me food I guess.

Adults fear failure most of all.

When a child makes a mistake it is easy to brush it off. When an adult makes an mistake they dwell on the matter. 

When a child makes a mistake, they may or may not know why it is wrong. When an adult makes a mistake they wonder if what they know is actually wrong.  

Death is natural, it comes eventually, we all know this. Above death we fear failure. 

What if everything you learnt, everything you believed was right, things you have placed your hopes and wishes in. What if they were all just a dream, an illusion. What if no matter how much you hoped, how far you have prayed. It would never happen.  

Failure, what if your life was just a failure.

How do you start again? Is there a reset button? Can my time start over? 

Adults fear failure most of all. 

There are pretty random moments in my life where I think about what I do. When people ask me what I want to do for the rest of my life, I tell them I would “go with the flow”. In actual fact, I have no idea what I want to be. I’m afraid to make a decision.

What if I get it wrong

What if that isn’t what I really want to be

What if I don’t make the grade

If I do happen to have depression it will also be:

What if everything was my fault

What if I’m letting everyone down 

What if my life is just one big mistake

What if there wasn’t such as thing as a mistake. What we learn from wrongs we can change into rights. Maybe.

Time and cognitive energy wasted again! I should have started my studies ages ago..

Mhm.. can’t work on a full stomach..

Bleh

Sony Ericsson W980 RIP (not a review)

Sony Ericsson W980, brand new with the packaging arrived on my doorstep on the 14th October. Sleek piano black and phone memory up to 8GB. What more is there to it. I didn’t choose the phone, but I absolutely loved it. 

But what happened on the 20th October? I lost it. First thing that stuck me was the fact I was on an 18 month contract. I would still be paying the monthly fees even if I was not using the phone. Then I depressed that I had lost the 2 phones charms I got in Korea, I really like those.

I stood at the bus station waiting for my buss driver to return, actually hoping someone was kind enough to hand it back. Not likely, but I still hoped.

I asked a member of the staff if there was anything that could have been done, for example leaving a message for the driver. His answer was flat, and rather rude. What else had I expected, he probably has to deal with the same situation day after day. In a way, I pitied him. 

So I sat at the station whist I waited, with my art journal out I began to draw. I say draw but it was just scribbling and blacking any white sections on the page

It was an hour before my bus driver came back, I knew what the answer would be when I asked him if someone had handed in a phone.

Ah well.. what can one do? Go home and find some Pocky..

Thursday 31st July

Yesterday my mother and my dad planned out the rest of our holiday. It was decided that on the 1st August we would go to Mac for two days. We would board a ferry on Friday and leave the place on a Sunday. On the following Monday we would be boarding a plane to Thailand. We should be there for exactly five days. On the 11th of August be would be on the plane again on our way to Korea. I feel like I’ll be travelling for most of the holiday.

Today went to have breakfast at this Chinese restaurant about 10 minutes away from where we were staying. We waited for quite a long while before they brought of a plate of lettuce/cabbage (I can’t tell, but I think it’s cabbage). It was bitter. The adults seemed to enjoy it though. I can’t really say I’m used to the foods there, I miss my fish and chips. (For breakfast-yeah)

I repeat. Hong Kong is hot. And people smell. Me, my mother, sister and brother went clothes shopping today. We came back was just a little too much clothes. I think I need another suitcase, or two. Couldn’t help it, the was a store called Bread and Butter, we (me and my sister) just had to go in. The clothes hunting must have gone on for about four to five hours, the bags were killing me.

Around about 3pm we went to have some sushi. The menu was in Chinese but we (aka me and my sister) managed to guess most of it. Some of the things on the menu were new to me. I never knew octopuses had fingers! Err yeah I ate it. Tastes like squid. Which doesn’t really tastes of much.

It must have been around 7.30pm by the time we got back. Tiring, but holidays are always tiring. Now that I mention holiday, I have to pack for tomorrow.

My sister took some pix of where we was staying. All the houses were different, better quality of living for those who could afford it. I think a few of them belonged to my gramps. He still plans to buy all the houses in the village, we can all dream.

Tuesday 29th July

I know this is kinda late but this is something I wrote whilst being bored in Hong kong. 

 

To say that today was tiring is seriously an understatement. The plane ride was uncomfortable, I was relieved to be getting off it. The weather was freaking crazy and Elainey was feeling sick. Where to start..

The car ride to Heathrow was pretty smooth, we didn’t get caught on huge queuing traffic and we found the car park with plenty of time left to check in. My mother, dad and brother all sat together on a row of seats, leaving me and my sister with 2 other women on a separate row. Elaine sat on the outside so she didn’t really have that much of a problem, me however, sat next to one for the women. Obviously she doesn’t believe one should have their own personal space. Her elbow was forever touching me and crossing the invisible wall I placed between us. We never spoke to each other but I believed she was changing planes to Vietnam. Twas a very uncomfortable journey.

Compared to BA the airline I went with last year CP had more entertainment to offer and the food was alrightish. The seats were still very uncomfortable though. Personally I don’t like sleeping whilst sitting. Apparently I always sleep on my side, my sister has obviously been observing me.

Getting off the plane wasn’t any better. The interiors of the airport were overwhelming and I temporally forgot all my tiredness. That was until I got outside. I was laughing when my dad said HK weather was like being in an oven, I thought it was a little extreme. I still think it’s a little extreme to compare it was something like an oven but at that moment, I totally agreed with him. I think it must have been around 35/36 degrees but it felt like 200. The weather in England rarely gets up to 30 and when it does I get my energy drained. After a pretty long car ride, I got back to my gramps.  He has a new servant and she refers my dad as 少爺 aka Young master. My brother is 小少爺 which is err young young master? We all get funny titles but lets not go into that. Now that I mention it, I didn’t actually get the servant’s name.

We were showed the place we were supposed to be staying at, I was both relieved and disappointed. Relived because I didn’t have to stay at my granddad’s and disappointed because I thought the place would be in a better condition. One cannot hope for too much though, I have a room to myself.

Shortly after arriving we set off again to find food. My stepgran brought us to a Chinese restaurant and we got served funny soup. It wasn’t like the soup tasted bad, it was actually very nice but well.. Scroll down to see what I mean.

The food was ok there, didn’t get to eat a lot just in case I start having an allergic reactions. In a way I was kind of glad I didn’t eat much. My brother kindly pointed out there was a woman in the kitchens cutting her nails. Mhm.. just great.  That immediately put me off the food. 

Even with the sun out I still feel like I’m being cooked. Like those steamed buns. So tired, it’s currently 10pm in HK and 3pm England time. Me however need my sleep, I’m currently on neither time zones.

 

 

Busy busy

Lies.

I’ve been meaning to do something here but never really found the (ompf?) to actually do anything. Me being busy is just an excuse, don’t think I’ve ever been busy my whole life. I always take things slowly even if things are needed to be done quickly. Anyways, on with the blogging..

Um.. lost my new phone within a week, failed my driving test with a DANGEROUS on steering. Never actually had a problem with steering before ._.

Made some stupid videos with a friend of mine. Think we were supposed to plan something big, but I forgot.

I’ve noticed on the dashboard thing that most of the people here searched for Trickster Online. Those who play seriously would know that one of the GMs (Game masters) have quit. I heard from some people that GM_Nero went off to become an animator. I wish him the best of luck!

I myself haven’t actually been in the game much, due to the fact there really isn’t much to do. I dislike PvP, a place where it is acceptable to killed by other people but “no fair” to kill those who have killed you. I was on for the GvG games where my guild leader has asked me to play. I don’t expect much until they fix the HV nerf. Which I hope they do quickly, otherwise my cat is just going to sit there whist people slaughter me. No more quests for me either, unless I decide to work on my other characters. I dislike to grind, especially after the bonus exp event where I went from 230 to 260. I needed a break after that >.0 

I haven’t been the only one not online though. Apparently many people have quit this game, some banned.. mainly high levels though. I guess one reason is that high levels can’t really depend on in game equips, they need Myshop in order to compete with other people. I know from experience that once you start spending money, it’s hard to stop. 

It’s been nosy for the past week or so. My parents decided to remodel their bathroom (and not mine), builders are running up and down the stairs and slamming doors, but worst of all.. they closed the water pipes. Meaning…  I have to run to the nearest shopping centre for the toilet and I have to get up before the builders come (around 8am) otherwise I don’t get to wash. Nice isn’t it.

Next time I’l upload some screenies from the game. 

Rena